Man Snatching ....??

This is a subject that will continue to amaze me. It always makes me cringe when I hear a fellow woman say “Akpena snatched my man” and then she goes to describe how she is going to kill Akpena bla bla bla. How many Akpenas you wan kill sef...enh?!!

Ndi uwa, please explain to me how a man gets snatched when he is not a handbag, a mobile phone, a pet dog, a baby, food, car, bicycle etc. Note that all things snatch-able both living and non-living things, are taken without consent. Sister, this means that your man was not snatched hence he yielded to temptation that he will still yield to again just before he leaves Akpena for Ovularia. On the other hand, if he was actually snatched, then you should really call the police because he might be in serious danger. Snatched is used here according to the dictionary meaning ;To grasp or seize hastily, eagerly, or suddenly.

I am of the school of thought that if I as a woman can keep it on lock, there is absolutely no reason on God’s earth why you as a man cannot do exactly the same. There is nothing extra in a man’s body that makes him more susceptible to the devil’s temptation more than a woman. As they say “na devil...”.  I have heard women say “He is a man, all men cheat” and they are okay with it because men have four heads and one bob-marley and we women don’t....mchewwww. Yet you see these same people checking their guy’s mobile phones, emails etc. If you are okay with it, why are you stressing? Why are you fighting every girl who you suspect he is cheating with or every girl who you “think” is more his type that you are. Please is this not bondage???? How long can you keep this up??? How many girls’ houses will you storm with your gang of friends accusing and assaulting simply because you found her number on his phone.

For example, I know someone who daily showers curses, sickness, failures and misfortune on every woman her man might be sleeping with out there. She prays this every night on her knees. One day I had to suggest she prayed for her guy instead...needless to say, that is the last time I ever gave prayer/relationship advice EVER!!!! I was almost eaten alive....hian!!! How can so many people who don’t know each other be at fault when it only really concerns one person? If we do not recognise the source of the problem and accept it, how do you begin to solve it or in some cases free ourselves?

Please don’t get me wrong, of course there are girls out there who go out of their way to seduce single, married, spoken for, engaged and even gay men. The truth is that they will ALWAYS be out there just like the devil will always be there to tempt you to put that lip-gloss on the shop shelf in your hand bag and pretend it just fell in there. Just because the temptation is there does not mean we should fall or is this a measure of strength. I consider myself a very strong person but it is not my strength that helps me resist temptations, it is the immeasurable love of the things that yielding to that temptation could cost me. For example, I am a praying wife and mother and I know what I am holding onto God to do for my family and our generations to come, that is the reason I will not nick that lip-gloss from the shop shelf; the same reason why I will go back to the shop attendant and return the excess change I was given (besides, those coins will not change your life); the same reason why I refuse to envy others or salivate over their fortune because my own will always be the sweetest. So the way I see it, is that it takes more than strength to resist temptation, it takes the fear of God, love, responsibility, prioritising, self-esteem, respect and values.

A long time ago, I stopped consoling friends who came looking for my shoulder to cry on when their common boy friend had just cheated with the third, fourth, fifth friend......as in......!!!!! It was not just about relationships but just coming back with the same avoidable problem again and again and again.  Is this not the same thing as placing your hand in fire again and again and each time crying ouch! BUT WHY?!!! I am sure this is why I was putting on so much weight at a time because I always felt so drained and hypoglycemic that I had to swallow some serious pounded yam after they got off the phone...talk about exhausting.  

Let us not let delusion rule our lives, your man/ woman was not snatched, they knew what they were doing and they chose to ignore every voice that was screaming reason in their heads.

Of course it doesn’t always mean it is the end of the relationship...not at all. This only means that if you choose to carry on with this person, first of you have to acknowledge that they are the one with the issue not the devil out there. Your partner who I am assuming has realised his/her mistake and wants to remain in this relationship has to thoroughly deal with their issues in super details so that it does not happen again. So there is no need to go fighting in the streets sharing stuff with the whole world, the issue is at the roots.  In matters like this your main ingredient is God because it takes a lot of strength to get back to how it all used to be i.e. if you are that forgiving woman/man ooo because we all very very different...lol!!

Flab Fight: The journey 1

As an overweight person who has struggled with my weight for as far back as I can remember. I find it absolutely disgusting and ignorant when people judge you by your size before they even get to know what you are about. Granted, this is the society we live in so yes, we should get on with it. I can probably understand the ignorant part of it; some of these people may have never had weight issues before nor has close relations with an overweight person. They probably have never met an overweight person who is more intelligent than they are, more driven than they are, more fashionable than they are, live a healthier life that they do, more educated than they are, have a better personal hygiene than they do, are loved more than they are, kinder than they are, happier than they are etc. 

I used to have a classmate at University who I once invited over for lunch. When she got to mine, she asked to look around my humble one-bed flat, I agreed (I didn’t mind openly nosy people...lol!). She came back to the kitchen and all she could talk about was how my place was the cleanest most organized flats she had been to since arriving in the UK. I said thank you and asked why she was so surprised, she said she had always thought that all overweight people were dirty, smelly and messy. I was shocked but glad that I had changed her primitive view of bigger people.  In 2004, I was angry with the world enough to lose lots of weight and I felt great for it. I got lots of encouraging and flattering comments along with the “OMG Chichi, thank God for your life oo, you know I never thought you could ever lose weight oo” and the “Chichi, at the rate you were going, I thought you were going to burst oo” and the “Now someone will see you and want to marry you”. I am not exaggerating, I got these, jokes and all...lol!

At the other spectrum are the “used to be fatties” who have probably tried hundreds of times and methods to lose the weight like all of us and have eventually succeeded but unfortunately have become egoistical snobbish Fattophobes. These set of people remind me on the only black girl in an all white class who does not acknowledge that she is black but when another black girl joins the class she is the first and only person to mention the colour of this new girls skin and with disgust too...lol!!!

I am probably one fatty who would love to be slimmer but at the same time, it is almost impossible to be put down by my weight. Maybe because I have had it all my life and its nothing new or because I have a great support system of people who love me and see Chichi and not fat but at the same time tell me the truth and encourage my battle of the flab. Coming from a family of two girls where one child is slim and light skinned and the other is dark and chubby....you will always get an ear full. I am not mad at my parents, I believe they probably thought that the more they nagged and cursed, the slimmer and fairer I would become. Away from home, I always had slimmer non-vain close friends who loved me immensely and valued my friendship as much as I valued theirs and sometimes surprisingly more. This could have been as a result of my friends not being so vain and narcissistic but very fun loving, intelligent and realistic or just me having self confidence that transcended issues of weight.

So as you struggle to become healthier and fitter, do not let people bring you down, they do not know where you are coming from or where you are going. Sometimes, depending on the length of your journey, some people may see you half way and still try to make you miserable about your current weight, ignore them (Nke no n’iru ka*).  On your journey, sometimes you might fall, keep rising, there is always space at the top. Surround yourself with those that celebrate you and your efforts, there is nothing like a strong cheer leading team behind you. Ignore those who have said you can’t. Onu kuru njo ga-ekwu mma*. And eventually when you get to your destination stay humble. Be sure to help and encourage others struggling, because someone was strong for you and there is nothing more beautiful and rewarding than empowering another person. Watch your comments, jokes and remarks, because you are not/no longer wearing the shoes does not diminish the pain and discomfort of the person wearing it. Please please please do not show a size 24 person a picture of you at size 18 and tell them how disgusting you looked and felt...that's just rude. Approach is everything be honest but dish it as you would have wanted it served to you. 

If your current situation demands that you have to daily face those that enjoy pouring sand-sand in your Garri, be encouraged, its not you with the problem, its them.

Nke no n’iru ka: The one in front is greater OR The future is bright

Onu kuru njo ga-ekwu mma: The mouth that has spoken evil will speak good things